I know I like to say.. I’m that girl. It actually fits. Why you ask?
Once upon a time…. Okay so I’m not gonna get all corny, with an exaggerated story like some fairytale or something, actually Im gonna first bring you up to speed on my life thus far, and my life now. So keep in mind this is dysfunction at its best.
Me, Im just a southern woman, raised in a small town in Florida. Dont get your hopes up, It may sound cool, because instantly you think Florida = beach…Well life isnt always beachy as you could say. I have lived here all my life, I went to school here, made friends, scored enemies. There’s been alot of ups and downs over the years. Lets just say its been one hell of a roller coaster.
Growing up here, there wasn’t and still isnt really much to do. I mean come on has anyone ever heard of a town with nothing and I mean nothing for teens to do, except go to church or parties. Where are the Theaters, Skate Parks, Bowling Alleys? Something‼
Schools down here in the day were cruel, just like I’m sure they were or are where your from. Its a dog eat dog world now a days. Only the strong will survive. I hate to admit that I actually left my high school back in 98 knowing I was making some poor descions in my life to go to the school I Should have went to in the first place. Only to make some more poor descions. I know, I know. Doesn’t someone ever learn. Not long after, my poor descions caught up with me.
I was made an example of, first crime and boy I did the time. I lost everything, my education, family and friends, little did I know my life changed forever, I would never get it back. My poor descions, caused not only me, but those around me grief, heartache, and well burdens. I was young, naive, and stupid. I lost my way, somewhere, and couldnt get it back,
I disappointed everyone including myself. Upon the system finally feeling I had rehabilitated myself, I was released. Coming home, to someplace, I had lost years ago just felt foreign. Scared of repeating my past mistakes, I ran. I ran to relationships, not saying those relationships were bad. Just saying nothing is good on rebounds, or insecurities. I tried to succeed, but couldn’t mainly because I still couldn’t forgive myself. I hated myself, for ruining my life. I felt like I was as they say in church meant for hell. I wanted to show people I wasnt the same little girl that disappointed everyone.
Hell, I couldnt even look in the mirror. I spent years trying to prove to everyone else instead of myself that I wasn’t just that girl.
Slight time jump in my mid 20s, again I was young and naive. I got married to someone I thought loved me. Instead it was lust and him afraid of being alone. There’s another life lesson. I spent years trying to figure out why I wasn’t good enough. I went through years of isolation, abuse on all levels. Having him project his issues, insecurities and habits on me or at me. A total douche bag. Yet I never had the nerve to juat leave. Why? I could never say “NO” to this man.
Lets jump past all the years of a disastrous marriage. And lets focus on what I learned. I learned I needed a life companion, a best friend, a confidant and so much more. Most of all I deserved Respect The rest of that tragic pile of disgust and disappointment for another post.
Now lets jump to being a seperated and divorced 30 something woman. I promise life gets better. Oh yeah there’s more to that story.
So yes fast forward to a few years ago. I gained peace, happiness and well some life changing times. So I frequented a local place a couple times a week. Wearing big sunglasses to hide my tears and or block myself from people. I slowly came to a habit of “Girls Night”.
This local spot was like Cheers, everyone knew your name. In some cases it was a spot others sought the secluded and secret local spot for anonymity. Just some couldn’t or wouldn’t keep mouths shut. I’m deciding to leave the rest of this to another post becuase my life changed.
Someone came into my life and changed it forever. I gained more family and friends. A Tribe, A Crew and A Love. But most of all my Best Friend.
#selfcare #relief #behappy #love #lessonlearned #progress